"Mais à force d'agir et de se rendre compte de ses actes avec sincérité, l'homme arrive à mieux savoir la vie."
- Charles Wagner, La Vie Simplé[AFR]
"Maar deur aksie te neem en deur op eerlike wyse bewus te word van daardie aksies, kom mens by 'n beter kennis van die lewe uit."[ENG]
"By dint of acting and realising his actions with sincerity, man comes to know life better." - Charles Wagner, The Simple Life{Free English ebook on project Gutenberg}
I found this quote really simple (hehe) and striking. Many times I'll just glance over something stupid I did with a, "Whatever, I just wasn't thinking". This is especially true of things my wife confronts me about. But I was thinking. That's the problem, some kind of thinking lead me to do that thing. It's just that I don't want to confront the chaotic whirlwind of thoughts that brought me to the amazing feat of stupidity I just accomplished.
Wagner also talks in the part before this quote and after it about the scientific method of experimentation and how that forms a parallel with what he calls our moral lives. So his advice here is essentially to become both the scientist and the experiment! Take a step back and ask, "what was the input that lead to the output?"
Q: Why was I actually googling stuff today that I can't even remember now?
A: Because was procrastinating?
Q: Why was I procrastinating?
A: I didn't want to do a certain task at work.
Q: Why didn't I want to do that certain task at work.
A: Because I'm afraid I won't actually be able to do it. Or that I'll fail.
Q: Why do I think that I'll fail?
A: Why do I think that I'll fail??? Weird, I don't know. What is failure anyway? We're all learning all the time. The evidence shows that I don't fail (as I picture it) most of the time. And even when I do fail it's not the end of the world.
So my procrastination is built on some false idea of my ability as well as a distorted view of my past performance.
While we're on this point of failure or making mistakes I'd like to take a step back here and look at how best to view them as they are the key point around which we are building this "I'm the experiment and the scientist" framework. If we didn't make mistakes while acting there would be nothing to learn and maybe no need for analysis or reflection.
- First of all, everyone makes mistakes, it's human. It's hard to imagine sometimes with social media and media in general, holding before us a very cosmetic and idealised view of peoples lives.
- Second, the idea (or ideal) is not to avoid mistakes but to take action. Exactly because you know that whatever you will learn from it (whatever the outcome) is the thing that will propel you to the next level of where you need to be.
- Third, having made a mistake I have the opportunity to step back, view the whole thing as an experiment and ask, "what can I learn from this?". About myself, about the situation, about the world.
Why on earth is this so difficult?
The above approach to mistakes or failures sounds great on paper, but we all know it's hard to put into practise.
- To fail is sometimes embarrassing. And if you're like me the though that someone else might now view me as incompetent, or even worse, that I've disappointed someone can drive you crazy.
- To confront your own mistakes and shortcomings, especially when it comes to close relationships, is scary. Why so scary? Because one needs to confront th emotsion and thoughts that built up to the harsh words, impatience or rudeness. And for men especially this is for some reason very hard.
- It takes discipline to go back and reflect on our actions. You have to sit down, quiet down, preferably with pen and paper and reflect. And who has time for that right? Wrong. You'll never have time for something like that if you don't make it a habit.
So what now?
Time to ask ourselves some tough questions:
Why do I care so much what other people think?
What is there inside of me that makes me so afraid of certain emotions and thoughts? Stuff I would rather run away from than face.
Is my "moral life" (the way I act towards others, my though life, etc. - more about this in the book) important enough to me that I am prepared to work on it?
If your answer on the last question is no, that is also ok. But then you need to be brave enough to ask why.
So to summarise, be the scientist and the experiment of your own life and don't be afraid to learn from the blow-ups!
Happy experimenting!
